Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
