when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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