Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
