You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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