I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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