Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
