My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
