that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Are my feet made of real feet?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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