he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
