I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
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