I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
