Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
