shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
