Plan B is the new Plan A
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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