Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
