Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
