so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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