Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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