i can't believe i had my finger in that
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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