genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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