i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
