wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
