Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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