mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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