These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
