Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
