my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
