Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
