We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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