six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize