Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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