Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
How external is "for external use only"?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
