just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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