legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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