sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
