and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
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It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
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thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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