dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Randomize