Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
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It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The struggles of a small town man whore
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
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He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I party with great urgency now.
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