omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
