Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
