he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
