The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
