I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
