Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
