..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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