OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
