he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
