Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
