i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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