Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
