Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
