burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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