meet me or not, i'm out of control
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
