I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
