I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
