**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
