oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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