Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
