paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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