I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
