I skipped work to stalk him.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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