Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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