in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
