Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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