I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
