I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
