it wasn't lemon gatorade
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
