IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
